I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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