im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
