Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
