i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
