is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
