don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
