I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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