Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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