I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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