take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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