New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
