how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
