Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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