now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's blow job season.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
