I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
