you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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