Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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