so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
