I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up under a house in Key West
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