Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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