Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
