so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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