Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
