I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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