I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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