i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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