i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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