Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
