I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
