My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
