i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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