To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
