i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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