i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
