We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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