Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
