not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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