found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
