Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
