Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
