she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
