His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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