Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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