He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
