I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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