I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
