my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
