Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
