I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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