dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
