So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
