whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
