She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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