My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
