Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
