and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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