I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
