The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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