life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
