Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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