On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
