Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
