I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
