wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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