I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hippo gnu deer
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
