I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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