Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
