I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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