so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
