I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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