I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
