evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
