I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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