how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Houston, we have a squirter
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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