She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
