If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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