That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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